We reported awhile back that these two films were being remade but I haven’t heard anything in such a long time I didn’t think it would really happen. Today I have been reminded about how pissed off I am about it.

First of all! ‘The Birds’ and ‘Poltergeist’ are two films that should never be touched by anyone for a remake. I hate the fact that they are going to be remade. These two classic films should never be allowed to be touched. There should be rules set in Hollywood as to what films can be remade and what films should be deemed untouchable.

Second of all! The writers brought in to re-write ‘The Birds’ and ‘Poltergiest’ are a husband and wife teamby the names of Stiles White and Juliet Snowden who most recently wrote the script for ‘Knowing’. This is just a kick in the crotch for the fact that that the script for ‘Knowing’ was awful! 

The two screenwiters recently talked to The wrap regarding their involvement with the two films that have no reason to be remade.

“We actually do get offered a lot of remakes that we do pass on. With something like The Birds, you can take the concept of birds gone crazy and put that onto a myriad of situations. Whereas with some other remakes, we really felt that those were movies that we really couldn’t think of new scenes or ideas. Some of these remakes are already-perfect movies. We’re not saying The Birds isn’t a perfect movie — but when we heard about that we had, instantly, a lot of ideas about what we could do [in the present] and how we would change it.’

More like how they are going modernize it and kill its spirit. Anyone with any respect for any of these films would pass on them.

“It was presented to us as they wanted to go back to the original source material because you just don’t want to attempt to remake a Hitchcock film. But the original novella, by Daphne du Maurier, had a lot of interesting source material. Alfred Hitchcock used it as his jumping-off point and told a story that was somewhat different from the novella.”

“We took that same approach and went back to the source material rather than going to his film. Ultimately, what you would get is a modern-day telling of what if a bird phenomenon happened like that again — rather than saying, ‘This person’s gonna play the Tippi Hedren role,’ and ‘Here’s the famous moment on the jungle gym.’ We really tried to avoid those things.”

I don’t even know what to say. I normally don’t have a problem with remaking a film if it is based on a book, but damn! This is an Alfred Hitchcock film were talking about here!

As for Poltergeist they say:

“Poltergeist was a seminal film for us, you know, in our lives, and it’s like your dad’s classic vintage car that’s been in the garage and you’re not allowed to touch it. It’s treasured; it’s valuable. We see Poltergeist as if, um, as if we’re being handed the keys to the car and we’re gonna be really careful with it.”

Don’t take the damn car out! Your going to get in a terrible car accident, sure you may walk out of it fine, but what about the audience!? What about the fans? Your going to drive the car right into a crowd full of people running them over, injuring them and in the end pissing them all off and ruining the car.

“Poltergeist was a real snapshot of the American family in the year that it came out –1982 — and I think what we would do with the reimaging of it is, ‘What is the American family up to today?’”

Dr. Venkman throws his hands up in the air.

Oh, good for you! What a brilliant idea! What is the American family up to today? Good hell in hot dog stand you’ve gotta be kidding me! I’m obviously all worked up about this bullcrap. 

So… Talk to me. What do you think?