Movie Review: G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA
Comments(35)
- By Venkman
As a huge G.I. Joe fan, this is not the G.I. Joe movie I have been waiting for all these years. I didn’t like anything I saw from the film that has been released in trailers and such, and as you know I have not been giving the film much positive exposure leading up to its release. I went in with extremely low expectations hoping that it would surprise the hell out of, but it didn’t. It was everything I expected it to be.
If you are looking forward to seeing this movie, and you are excited for it, then you will enjoy G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. If you were like me, and think it was going to be a bad adaptation of an awesome cartoon, then you are going to to see all of it’s faults and weaknesses, and there are a lot of weaknesses, but you will most likely have a fun time watching it.
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra is first and foremost a live-action cartoon. It will awaken the little kid in you. The film was written with the same quality as a Saturday morning cartoon. It was like the writers just started watching the original cartoon and picked out everything they thought the audience and fans would want to see, then put it in a blender and mixed it together puree style. There are a ton of one-liners in this movie that are meant to be a shout out to the original cartoon series but they are in the most random places and badly delivered, like when Ripcord says to Road Block, “Hey look, real life-like hair, and a kung fu grip.” The dialogue was completely awful. A lot of it didn’t make any sense because it contradicted itself. One thing would be said, and the next part of the dialogue would totally contradict what was just said.
The story is as simple as a story could get, there’s no brain power behind it, and no reason to think while watching the movie. If you do think while you’re watching the movie then you’re going to see so many plot holes, and a lot of ridiculousness. The film is about G.I. Joe trying to stop MARS from launching a nano bot attack on the world. The film also serves as an origin story for all of the most popular G.I. Joe, full of unnecessary flashbacks for Duke, Destro, Baroness, Snake Eyes, Cobra Commander and Stormshadow. To enjoy this movie at full capacity do yourself a favor and try not to think.
The film was incredibly action packed though! One huge action sequence after another, they were the best part of the movie. It is the one thing that reminded of the original cartoon, it was over the top, fun and violent. There are a lot of people that are killed in this movie, Cobra shows just how evil they are, there is no regard for human life. The special effects however were sub-par, with the millions of dollars they pumped into this movie you’d think they would have developed some great special effects, but no, they really cheaped out on them.
The acting was as wooden as wood can be. But you didn’t expect great acting in a film like this anyway, accept it for what it is, they acted as good as the animated characters did. I will say that I did not like Channing Tatum as Duke, he is not Duke material. Duke is supposed to be smart, educated, mature, and tough. Tatum was the exact opposite. Sienna Miller as Baroness on the other hand was great! I thought she did a fine job acting in the role, and she was insanely beautiful, by far the best thing to look at in the film from a guys perspective. She looks great with dark hair. Then there is Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the Doctor/Cobra Commander, this guy is a great actor, but damn, I’m not sure what happened with this film, it was pretty bad. I blame the director. I hated Cobra Commanders new look by the way. As for everyone else, they did their best with the dialogue they had to work with.
They tried to throw in a lot of humor, but it fell flat most of the time. There are also several parts in the film and plot points that I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at. The film was incredibly silly, but I guess that was part of its charm. The Accelerator Suits were pretty pointless in the film, I wasn’t really impressed with them in the one action sequence they were used in. Then when they should have used them they didn’t.
With all of the disappointments and complaints I have, the movie was still entertaining, and I ultimately enjoyed the movie going experience. It was better than Transformers 2, for the fact that the story, and action sequences are not so cluttered and it doesn’t make things so ridiculously over-complicated for no reason, but I guess that’s not saying much. G.I. Joe has got a little bit of everything for everyone. If you’re up for a mindless fun action-packed roller coaster ride, then G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra will not disappoint you. Don’t take this movie so seriously when you watch it, just enjoy it for what it is. Now that I’ve seen it, and got all the critical stuff out of my system, I may actually see it again, but this time I will shut my brain off. In the end it pretty much insults the audiences intelligence.
Better than ROTF, but the CGI was sub-par? What a dumbass.
I'm hitting it today or this weekend too.My brain is shut off half the time anyways so i'll probably like it.Sommers needs to turn down the humor level in his movie just a tad anyway!
this looks awful.. Loved Revenge Of The Fallen…
I'd have seen this for two reasons: Sienna Miller & Christopher Eccleston. But they put in those pointless suits, it's likely full of self-congratulatory macho one-liners devoid of good delivery (unlike, say, Shoot 'Em Up), and Kid Rock's music is being used to promote it. Thanks to the TV & radio spots, I know this movie is very American, very loud, and very trashy, and I don't have to put down $10 to see it in a cinema.
I made the mistake of buying the "official novel of the film" weeks ago. By page 10 I was saying to myself – man I hope this is not how the "actual" film dialogue is spoken … looks like it is. Sad.
Although after reading this website's review months ago, I've always agreed that movie looked Sub-Par from the leading actors line up from day 1 … Marlon Wayan as Ripcord??? Channing Tatum as Duke??? Why not just throw Shaquille O'Neal and Ben Affleck in there for *good measure* – Heh!
Damn I spent too much time and money on G.I.Joe as a kid. That's the least Hasbro could do for me!
Wow. Like the bloke said, this movie is mindless. I had no high hopes for this movie especially when months ago they cast Channing Tatum as Duke and Marlon Wayan as Ripcord. I just knew the credibility and seriousness was out the window. Honestly a dude from Step Up and Step Up 2 and also one that is more suited to comedies was headlining it, I knew it wasn't serious. They can pepper it all they want with actions and CGI but it does not help the characters and the original source. This has tragedy written all over it and I do not mean Shakespeare. LOL! I wouldn't pay for this movie if someone offered to take me. LOL!:) Cheers!
Oh God someone who has seen this tell me that Destro's Mask looks cool. Please tell me they didn't screw that up . . .
Go see the latest Gi joe anime movie, you'll enjoy it ten times more than this.
By the way it's not better than ROTF. I don't listen too much to Venkman he's taste is very weird and odd sometimes. Though he was partially right about this movie being mindless, but what are you expecting from this movie, Academy Award performances?
thank you bigw.
Totally Ugly! They're all ugly! LOL!:)
Honestly G I Joe: Resolute was madness! Very Cool!
That G.I. Joe Anime movie blew my mind! I loved that thing! That should have been the movie!
You only see it for like 30 seconds, and the way it all came about was weak sauce.
Are all you GI Joe weenie-heads high or something?? Using words like seriousness, credibility ?? Its frickin GI Joe !! It was a toy then they made a crappy cartoon years later to sell smaller toys !! What a great heritage !! How could those dorks in Hollywood mess with such a classic ?? GI Joe weenie-heads get over yourselves and grow the heck up a little bit !!
Thanks and have a swell day.
ill pass on this one. trailers were already dissapointing enough to tell its just a waste of your $
.. Instead, Im going to see the original 80's GI-JOE movie tonight —
…strong words, for someone named "titties"
i know its based on a cartoon which is based on an action figure – but at this stage of the game – give the movie some dynamics, such as compelling story telling, decent dialogue and better casting. i wish all the wayans would get sucked up into a dark void. i will still go and see it to have more of an educated (but short 10 bucks) opinion. i always say that if someone can make a movie, like the incredibles (even though its a cartoon) and you make it smart, have the right amount of humor, dramatic substance – you can and will have yourself a great movie. not some broad slapped together movie, that has to appeal to EVERYONE (stupid studio execs and their supposed demographics) and those everyones are not even the true targets that have supported and propelled gi joe and hasbro over the years. but then again…..its just a movie.
I was hoping Larry Hama would be involved somehow, or at least the level of effort he poured into the GI Joe comic book from Marvel back in the 80's would be matched. Stories like Cobra's attack on The Pit, the Joes getting captured in Europe, the Cobra Commander clones, and the civil war on Cobra Island were pretty wicked. The canon he built up from a ridiculous line of toys was fairly amazing, and could conceivably be converted into a smart, sometimes fun-sometimes serious summer blockbuster.
Unfortunately, Stephen Sommers ain't capable of that. Bummer.
I aint wasting money on it at this point. I will wait for HBO
I hated ROTF…I loved this.
This movie actually felt like my friends and I were 7 playing with the action sets. Yes Tatum is VERY weak as Duke but Mayans has a better-than-expected part and Sienna Miller is outrageously hot. The rest is pretty simple but it was fun, something I honestly didn't expect.
Maybe My memory is totally shot…
Ripcord and Scarlett?
The Baroness and Duke?
Cobra Commander is The Baronesses Brother?
GI JOE is an INTERNATIONAL STRIKE FORCE?
Cobra Commander Sounds like Darth Vader on a Wal-Mart Ventilator?
Destro is Scottish and the Metal IS NOT a mask?
Where the hell was FLINT?
That being said…It was entertaining. But really Mr. Sommers, that you for whoring out my childhood and killing a franchise.
this movie was complete crap, the kid fight was awesome i was laughin my ass off but it was stilll the best fight in the whole movie
i agree, its not a way of lifw its make belive thats all it is.
Let's just chalk this one up to mind-numbingly retarded studio heads wanting to make a butt-load of cash on nostalgia and licensing of new GI Joe toys and the opening of the vault and reissue of dies that were retired years ago and call it a day! 'Kay? Someone call me when Hollywood stops drudging up "retread" and has an original idea. Enough Old TV shows,Remakes and REMAKES OF OLD TV SHOWS (with sequels, no less). HOLLYWOOD, please come up with an ORIGINAL IDEA! (I have a FEW!) For the rest of us? They're not going to pull their "Heads Out" and stop feeding us this "Cow Flop", unless and until, WE STOP PAYING TO SEE IT IN DROVES! C'mon! am I the only one that sees this going on? I'm tired. . .gonna'. . . . take . . . . a nap.
G.I. Joe was the worst movie of the year and the worst big budget film of the decade. Very few of the characters mirrored their cartoon or comic counterpart. I know what you're thinking…"It's just a cartoon." But as a kid when I bought those toys and I read their file cards, I thought…"Man, somebody really put some thought into this." They had real names and real personalities; strengths, flaws and questionable views. They were from real places like Collierville, Tennessee and not just the major cities that we've all heard of. Everything that was good and interesting about the cartoon was taken out (Zartan's appearance and his issues with sunlight for example). It felt like a lot of people through ideas into a think tank and the writers kept them all. I can't imagine that there was more than one draft of the script. It was bad. My soul hurts.
Destro is Scottish…even though the accent never came out in the cartoon. He sounded like a brutha, "Cobra Commader you BUFFOON!!!" Everything else was jacked up. Who is Stinky Booty…I mean Heavy Duty? B!+c# please…I want Stalker.
agreed.
Did you agree with me or "Doug".I'm getting a little confused. I got an email saying Dr. Venkman agreed. I never read a Profile file card.My GI Joe didn't even have "real" hair OR a Kung Foo grip. That just reminds me of that Sublime song and that is something I would rather not think about either. They're from a real city too. Long Beach. . . not Kingston. This whole Gi Goe thing is becoming more trouble than it's worth. Can someone show a clip of the director explaining his thoughts on the subject again? I really would love to see it! Maybe you could show a clip for Kutcher's new movie and I could get Real Worked up! uck.
Still haven't seen it, planning on going tomorrow. I gotta say, though, that I'm not really looking forward to it. I mean, I was one of the biggest G.I. Joe fans around, my entire Christmas list was copied from that year's G.I. Joe catalog and I watched the cartoons and read the comics religiously. That being said, I think the best way to approach this movie, at least for anyone with fond memories with G.I. Joe, is to look at it not as a G.I. Joe movie but a generic Hollywood summer movie that just happens to be called G.I. Joe.
Seriously, after reading about the things they changed, you get the feeling that it was a bunch of notes from idiotic studio execs just so they can turn to their trophy wives and/or girlfriends and say "That was my idea" as they watch the movie. Brilliant.
agreed -
saw it last night – and the only thing that kept me entertained was there was actual violence in it. other than that the whole backstory here and there and fukn everywhere – fukn douche bags – damon wayans is the biggest douche bag of them all. hey stephen – how about making the micronauts into a movie or etch a sketch ya fukn dumbshit. next time dont direct a movie from a screenplay written in crayon. douche!
How about My Little Pony? LOL! LOL!
I'll give Venkman come credit for not insulting the intelligence of the readers or people who liked the film, because i've seen alot of that from critics this summer, especially with ROTF and this film. Out front, I had fun watching GI Joe and ROTF, there are obvious weaknesses in both but that's not why you go see those films. You go to (try) and relive your childhood memories with the shows and toys. As far as this film is concerned, the action was good and constant throughout, I agree Tatum could have played Duke more maturely. Sienna was stupidly hot and pulled the Baroness off well, Waynes was his usual comic relief. Bottom line: fun to watch and maintained the same classic GI Joe feel.
I also thought it was gonna suck based on the trailers but I enjoyed the movie.
Thought it was awesome and am seriously thinking of watching again, hehehe.