This Week in Comics, 02.17.2010

Deep in the waters of Neptune, beyond the mossy sea-trees of the Great Pharnak Sea to a dark cave miles below the point where even sunlight must hold its breath sits the most grizzled of Earth's mightiest heroes: Aquaman. In his throne room, on the coffee table, lies a second issue variant cover to...This Week in Comics.

Greetings, again, GeekTyrants to the inane ramblings of someone who thinks they know a lot about comics! I love comics! Sometimes I think of them as a drug, and that I should maybe ween myself away from them, resulting in the inevitable de-tox of their effects from my body. But then I get thrown back into the mix with the kind of news that has hit this week.

So grab your paper bags, cause we're huffing this sweet, sweet comic news...

-- In the Marvel Universe, creators and CEOs alike are attempting to win over hardcore fans as well as new and fair-weather ones with the new line of Marvel titles called Astonishing Something. Well, insert X-Men and Spider-Man/Wolverine for Something. The article claims the books will take place "firmly in the Marvel Universe and provid[e] the perfect starting point for all readers", meaning the titles are in continuity, but may or may not have an effect on the surrounding world. Conversely, the world will most likely never affect the titles, meaning Galactus may never make an appearance. Imagine Galactus rolling in and saying,

"Hey X-Men, I'm gonna try to absorb the world's energy and destroy all of mankind, but I'm only allowing you to try and stop me. So, uh, don't tell anyone else okay? Oh and by the way, if you ever read Earth X by Alex Ross and Jim Krueger, my storyline is ridiculous! Wait, what? Oh, that takes place in the future? Well your continuity doesn't count anyway, so HAH! What up, Rogue?"

Yeah, that'd be about what he'd say. He's got the attention span of a 5 year-old. [The Astonishing Line Expands]

-- Speaking of the X-Men, a new teaser image has been released for X-Men: Second Coming, which isn't due out until March 31. **sad face** The second coming of what? I hope it's the 1990s cartoon, because that was off the hook, man. [All Will Unite...]

-- Some of my favorite characters are getting their own titles, and Guy Gardner is one of them. This guy has been one of my favorite since I started reading comics. He's so uncaring of other people's feeling, sexually harasses any women within earshot and shoots first and, you guessed it, asks questions later. Sometimes he doesn't even ask the questions! You just get a mouthful of his fist and an earful of his boot heel. Yeah, that's right, he bootheel's the hell out of your ear. I'd like to think he represents the average, everyday normal guy that happens to get a Green Lantern ring. [DC Shakes Up The GLC In "Brightest Day"]

-- I keep telling myself that DC needs to dedicate a title just to Golden Age and Silver Age heroes, but set in those eras. Like an Alan Scott/Green Lantern story told in the 1940s, or one of those weird 1950s Superman stories where Jimmy and Lois switch bodies and Superman watches Lois change using his X-ray vision, but it's really Jimmy! It's crazy! In any case, I suppose Didio got all those heavy-breathing voice-mails I left on his Blackberry and has announced DCU: Legacies, a series dedicated to going "back to the roots of the DC Universe and tell[ing] the tale of its heroes from the dawn of the masked men to more modern days." [J.G. Jones’ cover to DCU: LEGACIES #1]

-- And as my final snippet of the day, DC is bringing back Aquaman (the real one) to the DC Universe. I once read two whole, 15-page wiki entries for Aquaman, and I have to say, this guy has had one tumultuous hayride over the last 70 years. Yeah, he's been around since the 40s, can you believe that? And why does he always come off as gay? I mean there are a number of openly gay heroes in comic books (Rainbow Raider, Batwoman, uh...Starman Mikaal Tomas), so why pick on Aquaman? All I can say is, Brightest Day better deliver with the Aquaman stories, or I may just write an angry letter with my Aquaman stationary and letterhead...And use my Aqualad pencil top...listening to my self-orchestrated Aquaman movie soundtrack. [Aquaman Returns in "Brightest Day"]

Well, that's enough out of me. I want to thank everybody for reading TWIC...and GeekTyrant, in general. Come back every week from more news, silly commentary and my TWIC Picks! (see below)

TWIC Picks: BLACKEST NIGHT: THE FLASH #3, GREEN LANTERN #51, GREEN LANTERN CORPS #45, CAPTAIN AMERICA #603