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7 Step Guide To Going Super Saiyan

Rant Videos by Mick Joest

Going Super Saiyan like Goku in Dragon Ball Z has been a long time dream of mine. The ability to instantly transmit anywhere I go, get blasted through mountains without taking severe punishment, and Kamehameha whomever I please all sound awesome. Until recently, I believed this impossible until visionary Jalen Thomas convinced me otherwise.

So you technically can't go Super Saiyan if you lack Saiyan blood running through your veins (1/2 Saiyan is the cut-off), but apparently the process is possible. Looking to save the universe or just win the local martial arts tournament? Follow my seven step guide and you too can become Super Saiyan!

**Note** List works best when gravity is 10x stronger than on Earth, a place where a year can pass in a day, or when your friend gets blown to shreds by the force grip of a gender confused alien.

  1. Get pissed off. The cold-blooded murder of a friend in your plain sight is likely to provoke this.
  2. Look down at the ground, drop your arms, and begin to focus your rage. You're going to need to do a lot of teeth grinding. If you start unintentionally rage-grunting you're on the right track.
  3. Breathe slowly while flexing every muscle you have. If this induces tidal shifts, lightning strikes, and FPS (floating pebble syndrom) proceed to step 4.
  4. Are you still flexing? You'll know if you can see every vein in your body. Tilt your head back while still maintaining that rigid posture. You'll notice a hair color change, and your vision will seem odd. This will be the first glimpse at your Super Saiyan form...or perhaps an anyeurysm.
  5. Pay no mind to the stunned spectators around you. They could attack but are usually too mesmerized by your awesomeness to get wise and attack your completely vulnerable state. Once you see the ground crack beneath your feet the fun begins!
  6. Now that your veins are bulging to a point of breaking, yellow energy should begin to envelop your body. You won't see this as your eyes will be far back into your head at this point. Just wait ten seconds or however long you think it's appropriate for step 7.
  7. Scream like a motherf*****.

Congratulations! You are now Super Saiyan! Side effects may include berating your son, kicking ass like you never thought possible, and destruction of planets. Good luck, and let me know the results!

Email Me: MickJoest@Geektyrant.com Twitter: @MickJoest

 

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