Patton Oswalt's WATCHMEN Rant

by Joey Paur

As you all know I thought 'Watchmen' was a great film, I thought Zack Snyder nailed it. But when we asked all of our readers what they thought about the movie, some people liked it, but I was surprised at how many people did not like it, some even hated it. Comedian Patton Oswalt has a nice little rant on his myspace page to all those 'Watchmen' haters out there. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but Oswalt puts things into perspective. Just so you know there is some bad language for those of you who are easily offended. But here is what he says:

Tell you what -- before you go and see THE WATCHMEN, plunk down and watch CATWOMAN, GHOST RIDER and DAREDEVIL. And use those seven hours (and don't pretend like you don't have seven free hours in your day) to get out all of your disgust and the-world-owes-me-my-daydreams-made-real attitude you strut around with.

Because Zack Snyder STEPPED UP, motherfuckers. THE WATCHMEN was going to get made, one way or another. And instead of bleating on his Facebook status updates or Tweeting about how shitty the upcoming adaptation's going to be, he TOOK THE BULLET and tried to do it right. Yes, THE WATCHMEN should be a limited series on HBO and blah blah blah IT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN THAT WAY. Zack delivered a 2 1/2 hour, honest attempt, and broke his ass cranking out tons of free extras. Hell, he even animated The Tales of The Black Freighter for you chumps. Plus, he gave you a kick-ass DAWN OF THE DEAD remake, plus 300, plus whatever else he's got coming down the pike. He's the best friend the Nerd Mafia's had since Joss Whedon and Brian Michael Bendis, so everyone please crack the tab on a frosty can of Go Fuck Yourself and go see the movie version of THE WATCHMEN.

And no, the movie will not have EVERY LITTLE ELEMENT FROM THE GRAPHIC NOVEL. That's why the graphic novel exists -- you can go read it after you see the movie. Adaptation. Parallel visions. When you adapt a book, you cut things out, combine and conflate, streamline and linger.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL stands as the best Ellroy adaptation to date, and it throws away massive chunks of the novel's narrative. THE BLACK DAHLIA slavishly sticks to its source material and it's almost un-watchable.

So there you have it. I don't really have much more to add because he says it all. If you want, go to his MySpace blog and read the rest of his rant.

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