the NINTENDO Wii hates America

by Eli Reyes


A couple days ago I declared that the Nintendo Wii is No Longer Racist. I made the statement because they were releasing an onyx colored version of the Wii console in Japan. It was still up in the air as to whether or not it would be made available here in the States. Well guess what...

They're keeping the Black all to themselves. I could have sworn this was the year of "Change" and "Hope". Well, Nintendo is saying "Nope". Gamedaily contacted representatives at Nintendo, inquiring about the edgier looking Wii, and here is what they said:

[We have]no plans to have other colors of Wii in the U.S.


What???? Nintendo, have you learned nothing from Apple? Don't you realize us Americans are like moths to a flame, when it comes to unnecessarily colored gadgets. In our brains, "new and differently colored" means, "improved performance, and will make you better looking."

Fine Japan, you asked for it. Guess what? We're keeping Beyonce for ourselves. See how long your economy will survive when we keep that precious natural resource for ourselves. Cause if you liked it, you should have put a Wii on it. The "peace sign", that's ours now too. Only ours. Try taking a group picture at Disneyland now!

I can't help but feel this is retaliation for us taking back the Mustard Belt in competitive Hot Dog Eating. It's been three years running, let it go.

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