Dear PETA, Mario Is Worse Than You Know

Rant by Mick Joest

"The nerve of that fur wearing bastard."

Dear PETA,

I've heard of your recent disgust of Super Mario's use of the "Tanooki suit" to destroy his enemies, and how he is thereby advocating children that the wearing of fur is okay. Clearly your organization is not too familiar with his exploits and I am saddened to say that the injustice towards animals does not stop there.

Below are some photos for your organization to post to your site. Please be warned these photos are graphic and may shock.

As you can see the plumber has a long history of animal (and dinosaur) abuse. What's strange is the enhanced physical ability he gains from wearing animal skin is not easily replicated. I, for example, skinned many frogs and yet my suit gave me no aquatic advantage or heightened jump, nor did my Tanuki fur grant me the power of flight.

This travesty has long been kept under wraps by the ruling government of the land (speculation of a conflict of interest between the nation's ruler and assailant) and I applaud you for your efforts to finally bring justice to the lost souls who remain with us solely in point value.

May your actions shine upon the Mushroom Kingdom as bright as the Power Stars that protect it.


Robot Reagan

P.S.- If you are looking for a witness to attest to the sins of this moustachioed menace, might I suggest seeking out the large castle with the dragon faced entrance on the countryside.

Email Me: Twitter: @MickJoest


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