Dear Europe and China, You Did What To Your Astronauts?!

"6 of the finest men for the most dangerous fake mission in the history of our world."

If you don't already know what I'm talking about, check the video below.

First off let me say that when it comes to reporting the news, you can't beat a British news anchor. I mean hell, the dudes a reporter for Russia Today! Shouldn't that video have started off with Ну, после 9 месяцев подготовки и обучения?! He doesn't even have to speak the language to do his job, and for that I say well played sir.

Second, let me get this straight. You took three Russians, two Chinese, and a man of Italian Columbian descent and locked them away in a space capsule so they could emerge after 9 months of isolation on fake Mars, only to go back in the capsule where they remained until last Friday?

You could rename the project "500 Days of Science", add Zoey Deschanel to the research team and it still would not convince me that sham cost $15 million dollars to do. Fake Mars looked shittier than the Apollo 18 for crying out loud!!!! Furthermore I can't help but beg the question WHY? Was it because the first time you tried it was shut down after a drunken fistfight and sexual assault charges? Are we as a species really so incompetent that the only thing holding us from Mars is our own emotions?

That and the fact that the great unknown is chocked full of good old cosmic cancer inducing radiation, and lots more than we can take in a 35 million mile journey.

So given all that, is it safe to say your "experiment" was the equivalent of locking the door on the Big Brother cast and just watching? Apparently the American space program isn't the only one struggling. Let's get with it guys, I wanna celebrate my 65th birthday with robot Snoop Dogg on the red planet.

Email Me: MickJoest@Geektyrant.com Twitter: @MickJoest