Movie Review: CONAN THE BARBARIAN left me bored on the battlefield

Marcus Nispel's Conan The Barbarian arrived in theaters this weekend. The film stars Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman, Stephen Lang and Rose McGowan. I had the chance to watch the film yesterday and was horribly let down. I did not have high expectations going into the film, in fact I am usually fairly forgiving. This movie is just so bad that it is hard to forgive. Unfortunately my theater was only showing the film in 3D, making my viewing choices limited. This is one film that does not need to be viewed in 3D, nor does it need to be a 3D film. When is Hollywood going to learn that an action film does not have to be in 3D or converted to 3D. Super 8 and Attack The Block were not in 3D and it did not detract from my enjoyment.

As a fan of the original films this movie was hard to watch. Momoa is not bad as Conan, in fact he is decent. He ability to wield the sword is cool and very similar to the way Arnie did in the original films. The action sequences are a guilty pleasure for me and there are a ton of them. There is a ton of blood and gore to keep any action fan happy. The way that some of that blood happens is ridiculous. Whenever a bad guy is slammed with a rock or hits a tree, blood flies from his body like his skin is as thin as a piece of paper. I usually tend to throw reality out of the window for this type of film, but this is a little crazy. The other scenes that make up the movie are so disjointed that it throws off the pacing for the entire film. This made the film feel so boring whenever there was not action on screen. 

You do not need me to tell you that the script and storyline for a film like this is going to be non-existent and laughable. If you have seen the original film you know the story. The coolest part for me was the origin story of Conan. This version takes us a little deeper into Conan's childhood, but the rest left a lot to be desired. The scenes with Perlman are some of the best in the film. 

Lang is a great actor, but he is not as ominous as James Earl Jones was in the original. Lang's magical daughter is played by Rose McGowan. I personally think that the movie would have been fine without McGowan. Her actions were vicious, yet she reminded me of an annoying fly buzzing around my ear on a summers day. Her costume is really scarier than her character. 

The mixture of practical and green screen sets were the best part of the film. Conan is filled with some cool locations that give audiences some cool sweeping shots that make the film look big. On

In Conclusion:

If you are looking for a nice dose of action for an afternoon, I recommend you watch the original films or wait until this comes to DVD. This is not a movie worth paying money to see in a theater, unless you are a fan of the actors. Momoa has a future in films, but let's hope his next film will be a lot better.