Geek Advocate: Spiderman Vs. Batman

"A throwdown of the ages? Probably wouldn't last more than 30 minutes."

It's the match-up you and your geek horde have discussed time in time again, Peter Parker or Bruce Wayne? After scouring the web, the results were admittedly mixed, but copping out ain't my style so this articles ending with a winner let me assure you. One of the resounding problems in every discussion board was time and place, and wouldn't you know it, I actually found a 100% canon scenario where the two would have a legitimate opportunity to brawl.

Gotham City, 1995, See Spiderman and Batman Volume 11 comic collectors. For those of you unfamilar, Spiderman and Batman team up on the streets of Gotham to take on Carnage and Joker in one of the most disappointing brawls I was totally not expecting...but I digress.

Shortly after the two villains make their escape (they eventually part ways after Joker compares Carnage to David Hasselhoff) Batman tells Spiderman to hit the road because "blah blah I'm the Batman and I work alone." Spidey says "But I'm only trying to help," but I'm sure there were a couple smart ass bat related quips to be had along with it, and Batman says he doesn't need, nor does he want his help.

In the comics the two depart to later collaborate again, but let's say for arguments sake Mary Jane and Spidey had a bad night, and quite frankly he's not in the mood to listen to some 'shit talking caped crusader' and boom he takes a swing at the walking away caped crusader.

Seeing as this crossover was done by Marvel, part of me is tempted to say Batman takes a spider-strength punch to the face and after being flung a healthy few yards, is crippled and Spidey slings off to single handedly own Joker and Carnage...but we'll be fair.

Batman sees the punch coming and dodges...which he will have to continue to do the duration of the fight. Keep in mind Spiderman can lift 10 tons and usually is forced to pull punches when fighting humans because a full tap can render them unconscious...for real he one punched a T-Rex out cold during Secret Invasion, so it's safe to say whatever "bat-armor" the Dark-Knight would be packing would be irrelevant.

Let's add as well that any physical hit by Batman himself would prove insufficent, so it all comes down to the bat gadgets. If Batman were lucky enough to have some way of disrupting Peter's 'Spidey Sense' he might be able to also brandish some Ethyl-Chloride spray and slow the Spider (provided he doesn't reflex away) as he is susceptible to it like other insects.

The key word here is "slow" as even though the chemical compound would temporarily bug (ha) him, he has the uncanny ability to quickly expel any toxins from his body, so Batman's gonna have to douse himself if he wants to try to run. Running across the streets of Gotham, hoping his batarangs can cut the merciless amount of web-slinging is the best Batman can do in this situation...any other slip-up ends up Bat-splat courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, in Gotham none the less.

Think the Caped Crusader got snubbed? Agree Spiderman reigns supreme? Give your reasons below tyrants...we always appreciate a good geek off.

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