GRAND THEFT AUTO - Favorite Quotes From The Franchise!

Rockstar Games' Grand Theft Auto franchise has been incredibly fun to play over the years, and it's been awesome to see the game evolve. One of the things I love most about it is the open world gameplay. In fact I think GTA's open world was a game changer for video games. One of my favorite things to do in the game was to create so much chaos, get a horde of cops chasing after me and see how long I could outrun them and survive. For those of you who grew up with GTA I'm sure there's a lot of things you enjoyed doing in those open world cities. 

With Grand Theft Auto V coming out next year, I thought it'd be cool to do a list of some of my favorite quotes from the game franchise. I started out with a Top 20, but then there were just so many good one's I couldn't keep them off the list. Things got out of control, and now there's a lot of great quotes from the games to read through! Every quote on this list I enjoyed in one way or another.

Read over the list of quotes below from the GTA franchise and let us know what your favorite quotes are, especially if I missed any! If there's any that I should add to the list please let me know! Also stay tuned for the upcoming Grand Theft Auto V trailer!

Here's the list of some of my favorite quotes:

Give me a doughnut! I'm hungry! - Pedestrian

M-E-N, Oh, it's a dirty word but there's only three letters. - Maria

Hey, it's my favorite clean-up guy! I'm proud of you. You kicked the shit out of those grease-balls. - Salvatore Leone


I say spanking kids is the only way to teach them right from wrong. - Caller

So you think that teaching kids from an early age that violence is the solution to problems will make them valuable members of our society. - Lazlow

Exactly! - Caller


Our ancestors didn't eat chicken wings, they lived at one with nature and their eco-system. Existing on a diet of nuts, berries and leafy vegetables. - Reed Tucker

Yeah, and they threw stones at their own shadow and died of old age and fear at twenty-four! - Lazlow

Have you read the manual for this thing? - Police helicopter co-pilot: [to pilot

I gotta get my face plucked! - Old woman: [stuck in traffic

Oh she's on fire! Luckily I've never have been... I've done a lot of crazy things, I can tell you that... but I've never been on fire... at least not to my knowledge. - Toni

When trouble looms, the fool turns his back, while the wise man faces it down. - Kenji Kasen

My mother's my sister! - Pedestrian


We're gonna KILL YOU! - Police helicopter co-pilot

You can't say that it's not in the book! - Police helicopter pilot: [to pilot


Countries that don't have guns aint American! - Caller

You're right, countries that don't have guns aren't American... - Lazlow


So you're in, big guy? Or are we gonna have to kill ya? - Gordon Sargent

Well, since you put it that way... I'm in. - Niko Bellic


You've gotta trust me here, I-I've been fined a lot for talking about the size of my penis. I mean, it is closely shaped to a-a tennis ball container. I'm just gonna leave it at that. - Richard Bastion

I'm gonna kick your ass then I'm gonna french kiss ya! - Man: [when Niko hits a bum]

Get in quickly, you head-dick. - Mohammad

I see you are taking a break from romancing every animal in the zoo to abuse the generosity of your cousin. - Mohammad

You know, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that we must obey the rules of the game. We can pick the game, Niko Bellic. But we cannot change the rules. - Dimitri Rascalov


You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with my head up my ass? - United Liberty Paper

I'd be impressed if you had been. - Niko Bellic


I don't have any bananas! - Man: [after pushed by Niko

Too many gorillas! - Man: [after pushed by Niko]

Sometimes you get stuck in a snowstorm! You gotta eat people! - Serrated Edge Commercial

All right man. If you want my advice, the only way you're going to get your balls back to normal is if you stop juicing or get implants. - Niko Bellic

And the trannies! Don't even get me started on the trannies. It's-it's science, run amok. It's very confusing, I'm looking at a woman, I'm talking to a woman, I see the woman's penis, NOW I'm confused. - Richard Bastion


Did they die of natural causes? - Doctor

I suppose... A bullet in the head is as close to natural causes as anything in this city. - Niko Bellic

War is when the young and stupid are tricked by the old and bitter into killing each other. - Niko Bellic

Hey, hey, you gotta listen to me, you gotta hear me, are you listening? It's not real man! It's a lie, it's all lies. The government lies to us. They put robots in the drinking water, they put spies in the toilets - to watch us! You think it's a joke, the joke's on you, they're killing you! You are being harvested by a marketing machine! You're not free, you're slaves! Freedom is a lie! They use drugs to control you, they did it to me for a long time. You need love! I need you, you need me, I love you! Love me back! - Street Preacher

Y'all are sperm banks for aliens, a flock o' sheep! - Crazy homeless man

My God, for a sociopathic killer you're also a really miserable bastard! - Roman Bellic

Either you're schizophrenic or these cards aren't all yours. - Police officer

I have been to the other side. I have been there and it's incredible. They have flying elephants. They have men made out of chocolate. They have pizzas as big as the city. They have a prize for the a person with the biggest heart, not the biggest wallet. - Street Preacher

Grand Theft Auto Vice City - 2002 

Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible. - Tommy Vercetti

I can finally put my dad in a home and tell him to SHUT UP. - Steve Scott

I'll tell you about morality. Morality is what I say is right, and immorality is what I say is wrong. - Pastor Richards

As I say in my book, many are called, but unless you have a good credit rating, go screw yourself, you'll burn in hell. - Pastor Richards

One day while sitting in class you'll look outside the window to see Russians dropping down to take us over. What are you gonna do then, huh? Run into the woods with your friends, put twigs in your hair, call yourselves the Wolverines and fight off the Russians? I think not. - Pastor Richards

So remember, to succeed in life, you must eliminate everything in your path, in a blind rage. - BJ Smith

Shut up, sit down. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. You're gonna find out who took our cocaine, and then, I'm gonna kill them. - Tommy Vercetti

All right, we're going to take a break and then hit the phones... really hard with our heads. - Lazlow

We got a fat woman stuck in an elevator and I'm checkin' it out! - Officer on Police Radio

If you look at nature, you'll see many species that eat their children to protect them. This is especially true of hamsters. - Jan Brown

I'm gona build a 45 foot tall highly fortified structure in the shape of the most powerful thing on earth, me. - Pastor Richards

My coach pumped me so full of hatred and steroids, that I couldn't feel pain. Hell, I had to break my own leg, just for fun. - BJ Smith

Get your self a body bag, strap your self in, start making friends the American way. Exploder: Evacuator Part II. Rated PG may include patriotic garbage. - Narrator

Do I look like I can intimidate a jury? I couldn't intimidate a child, and believe me, I've tried. - Ken Rosenberg

A deadly curse. A deranged killer. A small town in tears. "Knife After Dark". Rated "R", for "Retarded" - Voiceover

I wish someone would kill me; then I could hang out in a graveyard ALL the time, instead of just on weekends. - Konstantinos Smith

Of course my client looks guilty. Just because he looks guilty doesn't mean he is. You look like an idiot, but that doesn't mean you are. - Ken Rosenberg

Stay with me. Stay with Fernando. Por favor. Mi amor. Siolito. It's like Fernando said to his ex-wife: "I love you, please, don't leave me. It is not what you think; I was bitten by a snake, and the nice lady, she came to suck out the poison. The story, she no work very well. - Fernando Martinez

You see, the Alaskans are lunatics, plain and simple; they eat whales, and snow, and they sleep in the freezer. Who wants to eat snow everyday? Oh, I tried to help; I sent a helicopter with copies of my book, but they burned them in a pile for heat. If the people of Alaska choose to live there, let them, but don't come crying when you're tired of eating penguin and it snows 18 feet a day. - Pastor Richards

You wouldn't know the truth if you found it banging your wife; now shut up and release my client. And your wife's not that great. - Ken Rosenberg

You ain't a big shot. You ain't even a medium shot. You're an asshole. - Maurice Chavez

So, the giant shark comes in there and just bites their dicks off! Betcha never seen anything like that before! - Steve Scott

WOW! That gasoline sure can catch on fire. - Hotring Race Announcer

Come by Amnu-Nation to register to win an anti-aircraft gun, actually used when we whooped Australia's ass! - Ammu-Nation Announcer

As long as we have opposable thumbs, we will fight you! - Zero

Shoot? I'm a hippie. The only thing I've shot is acid. I heard of a dude snorted it once. Thought his nose was a kangaroo and the moon was a dog! WOOH! - The Truth

What the cock-a-doodle fuck? - Chicken Fast Food Customer

It's my constitutional right, bitch! - Carl Johnson: [while pointing a gun at someone

I'm the voice of the people, like Moses, only keepin' it real! - Jeffrey 'OG Loc' Cross

Are you a professional moron or just a gifted amateur! - Carl Johnson: [after hitting a car while driving

Get the hell out of my way before I eat that! - Prostitute: [after CJ points a gun at her]

Roger that, Big Monkey, I got a 13-6 fat vulture. Need to acquire a drowning baby. Over. - Mike Toreno: [on a radio

This history is all wrong! It says that Hitler killed himself, and that we nuked Japan. Well... Whatever helps them sleep at night. - Mike Toreno

Don't forget, each weekend we meet in the park and watch German expressionist silent films projected onto a tree. Things that are foreign are so meaningful. - DJ Sage

You're like my asshole, always holding up shit. - Pedestrian

When I was swimming in the ocean once when I was young, I got a condom stuck to my face. - Carl Johnson: [explaining why he hates swimming

When I watch a movie, with two chicks and a dude, the public will label it as ''pornographic''. But when I watch a flick with two guys and a chick, and it's in French, probably wins some awards! Calls it arthouse love cinema! But it's revolting! - Radio Caller

Bare foot and pregnant again! Just like my daddy. - Commercial Voice

GeekTyrant Homepage