How To Survive an Evil Spirit Horror Movie

Over the years, there have been lots of different kinds of scary movies and horror film sub-genres. There are serial killer movies, monster movies, slasher movies, possession movies, supernatural movies, and ghost movies. Ghost movies have been around for awhile, but recently they have been more popular than ever with movies like Paranormal Activity, The Conjuring, Annabelle, and Sinister. Some of these movies technically feature demonic spirits, not ghosts. For the case study, I'll be calling them all spirits. 

So the easiest steps to avoid being in an evil spirit horror movie are:

Do Your Homework

Ghosts don't just go around attacking people for fun. They usually get people because they move into a haunted house, or build a house over an Indian burial ground, or buy some weird mysterious object. So, the easiest way to avoid being in one of these movies is... do your homework about this stuff before you go buying or moving into any house. You wouldn't want to move into a house if it used to be a meth house! Just the same, you don't want to move into a house if lots of people mysteriously died there. It isn't too hard to look into. If you type in the address in google and some old newspaper article comes up saying three people were hanged while Paul Blart: Mall Cop played in the living room, then there may be a malevolent spirit in the house. Don't go there.

Play '80s Music

Ok, so maybe you're in a bind and they offer you a good deal. You buy the house. You move in despite knowing it could be "haunted." The first thing you can do is pop in some cheesy '80s music. No evil spirit can be intimidating when you've got Duran Duran's "Hungry Like a Wolf" playing. Werewolves can be intimidating, but not ghosts. The spirit will wait for, like, a song so that it can do spooky stuff, but if you're too busy partying, the spirit will get tired and leave you alone. '80s is the perfect time period for music to play. Don't play too much earlier than '80s. If you start to get into older music, it can be kinda creepy, and maybe the ghost jammed out to it that one time, and so he's totally into it.  

Dress Up as a Ghost

So, you're a ghost, and you want to freak out the person in your house when suddenly you come across the guy and they're in a sheet and yelling "Boo!" at you. You aren't gonna want to kill that guy. You'll be too confused about what the heck is going on. How can you expect to be scary when an idiot in a sheet is yelling at you? You can't. Realistically, any crazy thing works here. Just start speaking in tongues or singing TV theme songs. The ghost will be like, this isn't the right moment, because what is he gonna tell his ghost friends when he brags about it later? "Oh ya guys, so I was like killing this guy and the whole time he was singing the theme song to Friends." None of his ghost friends will want to hang with him, and he'll be lonely.

Always Be in Disbelief

You know what ghosts want more than anything? To prove to you they are ghosts. You'll notice the guy who always lives is the guy who just doesn't believe in that sort of thing, and as soon as he says he does believe, the spirit kills him. So, if you happen to run into the spirit, constantly make it prove itself to you. Act like a jerk. Explain anything it does as just a random coincidence. One of the first rules of being a ghost is that you can't kill someone until they believe that you're real. So keep pretending that the ghost is fake until it just gets frustrated and leaves.

Call The Ghostbusters

Ok, so we all know there are no such thing as Ghostbusters. But ghosts don't know that. So here's what I suggest: If a ghost is bothering you, just pick up the phone and say out loud, "I'm calling the Ghostbusters, if you don't leave, they are gonna get you." If he still doesn't believe you, pretend like you're talking to them and tell the ghost they are on the way. The ghost will get worried and ask you to not, so pretend to call them back and say it was a false alarm and then tell the ghost to stop bothering you.

Find Another Ghost

Did you ever think that maybe the ghost haunting you is lonely? Find another haunted artifact.  It's not like two ghosts can kill you at the same time. They will either befriend each other and stop bothering you, or fight and kill each other so neither one can get you. Either way, the ghosts will be too busy with each other, so you can sleep in peace.

So there you go. Six tricks to avoid death if you are ever caught in an evil spirit horror movie. These tricks do not work with other movie tropes. For example, if you are in a slasher movie, playing '80s music will almost certainly get you killed. Take care, and good luck. Try not to get stuck in any horror movies.

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