Review: SHARKS OF THE CORN Has the Kernel of a Good Movie

I watch a fair number of bad movies on purpose. I really enjoy a good bad movie like Sharknado or Velocipastor. So when I saw a trailer for Sharks of the Corn, I was intrigued. Sadly, it did not impress me much with its extremely lackluster acting and writing, not to mention a far too drawn out run time. The second half of the movie picks up a lot more, and honestly, if it had just been the second half with a little bit of exposition from the first, it would have been much better. So buckle up, we’re going through a very spoiler filled review of Sharks of the Corn.

First up, film quality and visual effects — both are terrible but one is at least funny. The whole movie reminded me of home movies that my brothers would make when we were kids, so think of a movie filmed entirely on a home camera. If you watch the trailer and note the quality then you know exactly how the whole movie looks. The visual effects were hilarious though. They have one shot of a cornfield from above showing a bunch of sharks swimming through it. Between that shot and one of a helicopter exploding, the computer effects budget appeared to be used up, so every shark we see is either stock footage of a great white shark or a toy shark of some kind. So in the scenes of sharks attacking people all we see is this super fake shark head ramming into them and getting squished because it’s just foam or rubber. A few of the scenes even have blood added after the shark is done attacking which is just extra funny to see people screaming about being eaten by a shark but only seeing a shark head gently bumping into them. My favorite prop, though, was a helicopter headset, they took a set of noise cancelling headphones and then just wedged a huge microphone into it. There is also a bigfoot, which looks like a guy in a weird gorilla suit, and shark people who just defy description but suffice it to say do not look all that sharklike. 

Let’s talk about the plot for a minute. There is a shark cult that worships a shark goddess who takes the form of an actual great white shark in the ocean. The cult is attempting to do a ritual to turn themselves into shark people hybrids in order to… well, it gets a little fuzzy here. In some instances it seems they just want to destroy humanity, in others it’s to rule over humanity. At any rate, we also have a CIA agent and a local newspaper guy trying to stop this whole thing from happening. To complete this ritual, the cult has to sacrifice 666 people in this cornfield in Kentucky, then also bury the still bornbabies of this shark goddess in the corn field, and then have a blood moon, this cornfield, and Stonehenge be all in alignment. Did I mention they are all getting their orders from the actual shark that lives in the ocean via electromagnetic signals enhanced by Stonehenge?  This movie could have streamlined its plot a lot because there’s also mafia involvement for no apparent reason and this random idea of bigfoot being real (which he totally is in this movie). The original idea of a shark cult summoning their shark goddess via sacrifice is a great premise for a good bad movie, it just got really bogged down by meaningless details and extra unnecessary subplots. But I digress. Eventually the ritual succeeds and two of the cult members are transformed only to be immediately killed by the CIA guy, newspaper guy, and bigfoot, who randomly shows up to throw a rock and then run away.

If at any point you thought that maybe some good cheesy acting was going to save this film, you would be sadly mistaken. While some characters have a certain charm in their incompetence, like the police lady who is trying to put caution tape around a victim in a cornfield but just keeps getting tangled up in it instead, overall it’s just difficult to watch. I have to admit, the funniest thing is this shark cult guy who, before using the bone of a shark jaw to kill someone, also tries acting like a shark himself. Go ahead and try this in a mirror, act like a shark biting into something, ridiculous right? Well, this guy goes on for an embarrassing amount of time behind his victims so the victim can’t even see it to be… I suppose it’s meant to intimidate rather than just be creepy. My other favorite is the literal child who is part of the mafia wearing what I can only assume was part of a Beetlejuice costume. I can’t blame her one little bit for awkward or bad acting, she’s just a kid. But it’s just really funny when they are passing around a comically large toy gun in the least safe or professional ways you can think of. 

Overall, this movie is just a train wreck. It had a lot of potential, but ultimately squandered a bizarre idea. If you are looking for a fun bad movie… well, you could try just skipping to the last third of this movie when it finally picks up or just pass on it all together. It has its moments but they are not worth watching a ton of shots of cornfields and Stonehenge for.

Written by Anna Williams