VELOCIPASTOR 2 Review: A Gloriously Ridiculous Horror Comedy That Embraces Every Bit of Its Own Insanity

There are bad movies, there are movies that are so bad they’re good, and then there’s VelociPastor 2, a movie so gloriously ridiculous that I’m not even sure what rules we’re supposed to judge it by.

The VelociPastor franchise is a special kind of absurd, and I guess I mean that in a good way. The original movie was an bonkers, low-budget horror comedy about a priest who transforms into a bloodthirsty dinosaur, and that wonderfully stupid concept became a cult favorite.

I get the appeal of these movies, even though I’ve always been a little torn on them. Sometimes watching filmmakers intentionally make something terrible can feel like sitting through a joke that somebody keeps explaining to you.

But every once in a while, one of these movies comes along with enough personality, enthusiasm, and sheer creative lunacy to win me over. VelociPastor 2 is one of those movies. It’s a spectacularly stupid piece of entertainment, and I mean that as a compliment. I had an absolute blast watching it, even as parts of my brain were begging me to question what the hell I was watching.

The sequel brings back Greg Cohan as Father Doug Jones, our favorite man of God with a rather unfortunate dinosaur problem, alongside Alyssa Kempinski as his girlfriend Carol, who somehow continues to make this completely insane relationship work.

This time, the adventure takes them to Italy, or at least a hilariously cheap approximation of Italy, where a mysterious killer is murdering virgins in increasingly bizarre fashion. The movie takes inspiration from Italian giallo horror, complete with black-gloved killers, sleazy mystery, outrageous violence, and lots of dramatic nonsense.

This direction for the sequel, gives the filmmakers an entirely new collection of genre conventions to lovingly ridicule. I have to give them credit for the way they create their version of Italy. Apparently, all you need are some Italian flags, exaggerated accents, and a giant declaration that you're in Italy.

Who needs expensive locations when you've got that kind of cinematic ingenuity? The movie is fully aware of how cheap everything looks, and it treats that cheapness like another character in the story.

Another thing I appreciate about the movie is how enthusiastically everyone commits to the madness. Cohan and Kempinski are great at playing this material exactly the way it needs to be played. They throw themselves into their performances with the intensity of actors convinced they're making the most important film of their careers, and that commitment makes the whole thing infinitely funnier.

Cohan, sporting a magnificent mustache this time around, is particularly entertaining as Doug, balancing his ridiculous dinosaur-fueled heroics with the occasional moment of surprisingly sincere emotion. Kempinski is equally fun, bringing genuine charm and terrific comedic energy to Carol. Their chemistry is weird and wonderfully goofy.

Frankie Kevich also gets in on the insanity with a wonderfully unhinged villainous performance, while Daniel Steere returns as Doug's mentor, Father James Stewart. Director Jesse Gouldsbury, taking over from original filmmaker Brendan Steere, clearly understands what made the first movie entertaining.

With Steere returning as co-writer, the sequel maintains that same wildly deranged personality while finding new ways to crank up the insanity. Everyone involved seems genuinely excited to be making this movie, and that infectious enthusiasm goes a long way.

Then there are the special effects. We're talking dinosaur costumes that look like they were assembled during a particularly ambitious weekend craft project, stunt dummies that couldn't possibly be mistaken for actual human beings.

Mannequins are tossed around and destroyed with absolutely no concern for convincing anyone they're real people. Continuity errors become jokes, awkward exposition drags on far longer than it reasonably should, and the blood sprays with the enthusiasm of a malfunctioning garden sprinkler.

The film reportedly raised more than $118,000 through Kickstarter, a considerable jump from the original movie's roughly $36,000 budget, but don't expect that extra cash to have transformed this into some polished Hollywood production. The homemade quality is a huge part of its personality.

There's something fun about watching filmmakers take every filmmaking limitation imaginable and turn it into an opportunity for another laugh. I couldn't help admiring the audacity of it all.

Now, as much fun as I had, I can't pretend everything here works. This is where my complicated relationship with intentionally terrible movies comes creeping back. There's a fine line between embracing ridiculous filmmaking and relying on ridiculousness to carry every joke, and VelociPastor 2 occasionally stumbles across it.

Some gags are stretched a little too far, and there are moments when the intentionally awkward filmmaking starts to feel more exhausting than funny. You can only milk a terrible effect or an absurdly prolonged bit for so long before the novelty begins wearing thin.

I also found myself wishing that certain comedic setups had a stronger payoff, because there's a difference between something being hilariously stupid and something simply being stupid. Not every gag lands, and the chaotic storytelling sometimes sacrifices momentum for the sake of another bizarre detour.

But here's the thing, even when I was rolling my eyes, I was usually smiling. The movie has such an undeniable affection for its characters, its genre influences, and the ridiculous art of making movies that I found it difficult to stay annoyed with any of its shortcomings. It's hard to get too frustrated with a film that's having this much fun at its own expense.

Ultimately, VelociPastor 2 is exactly the kind of gloriously trashy, blood-soaked, unapologetically ridiculous horror comedy that deserves to be experienced with a rowdy crowd of fellow movie geeks.

The movie was such a big hit with audiences at FilmQuest, and it’s easily understandable because this thing practically begs for a packed theater full of people laughing, cheering, and yelling at the screen. What I appreciate most is that beneath the dinosaur costumes, fake blood, questionable accents, and hilariously awful effects, there's a genuine love of filmmaking holding the whole crazy production together.

It doesn't feel cynical or like it's desperately trying to manufacture cult movie status. It feels like a bunch of creative people making something outrageously dumb because they genuinely love doing it. Is it a good movie by conventional standards? Oh, hell no. But did I have a ridiculously good time watching it? Absolutely.

That's the wonderfully frustrating contradiction of movies like this, and VelociPastor 2 lands comfortably on the entertaining side of that equation. This isn't going to convert anyone who hates intentionally cheesy D-movies, but if you're the kind of movie fan who can appreciate a murderous dinosaur priest battling his way through a cheap Italian horror mystery, you've found yourself a pretty awesome cinematic playground.

Just switch off your critical faculties, embrace the stupidity, and enjoy the carnage.