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Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack

by Joey Paur


Personally I don't think mathmatics and zombies mix well. We don't need a mathmatical equation to tell us that if there is a zombie breakout we're all screwed. We've all seen the movies, we all know it is possible for some to live through a zombie outbreak. According to Canadian mathematicians. The key is to,

hit hard and hit often.

No shit Sherlock, like that is news to me. They forget to mention, you have to be fast, clever, and have an ass load of awesome weapons to take them out. These mathematical brainiacs go on to say:

An outbreak of zombies is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead. It is imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble.

I think these eggheads are starting to insult our intelligence. It's likely to be disastrous? It will be disastrous! It's imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble? I honestly don't think any of these dinks have seen a zombie film.

Clearly, this is an unlikely scenario if taken literally, but possible real-life applications may include allegiance to political parties, or diseases with a dormant infection.

Of course most zombie movies are built around this theory, so once again they tell us something we already know. The model focuses on modern zombies, which are “very different from the voodoo and the folklore zombies.” It takes into account the possibility of quarantine (could lead to eradication, but unlikely to happen) and treatment (some humans survive, but they still must coexist with zombies), but shows that there is only one strategy likely to succeed: “impulsive eradication.” They conclude by saying:

Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time.

These smart asses could have saved a lot of time by just watching a bunch of zombie films. There's no need to come up with a mathematical model! It's called common sense and a will to live! Of course they include what obviously happens if we don't act fast enough during a zombie outbreak. It's the same thing that happens every time there is a zombie outbreak.

If the timescale of the outbreak increases, then the result is the doomsday scenario: an outbreak of zombies will result in the collapse of civilization, with every human infected, or dead. This is because human births and deaths will provide the undead with a limitless supply of new bodies to infect, resurrect and convert.

Good grief, I just cant help but roll my eyes. So how fast do we need to deal with the outbreak? Here’s the equation they used, where S = susceptibles, Z = zombies and R = removed. If an infection breaks out in a city of 500,000 people, the zombies will outnumber the susceptibles in about three days.


Well, thanks for nothin mathematical whores. I guess this might come in handy for anyone that has never seen a zombie film.

Source: Wired

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