Dear Robert Pattinson, I Have Faith In You...You Magnificent Bastard.
Dear Robert Pattinson,
I must say I never thought I'd see the day. Let me just start things off by saying until now, I've only known you as the twinkly Edward Cullen, who made me put my foot down and wipe the Twilight movie from my memory with a simple "Hang on tight spider monkey". It was you that put me to sleep as my girlfriend nearly wept at your performance in Water For Elephants, and has since continued to pressure me to watch Remember Me. Perhaps the final straw came at the very start though, when you played the same bastard who collapsed the possibility of Harry Potter ever bagging Cho Chang. You may not know me Mr. Pattinson, but rest assured, I know you.
Despite my grievances, anger, and blind rage at my woman's lust for you...dammit I respect you. I just saw the trailer for Cosmopolis and even though it has yet to hit theaters, bravo for doing something many men in your position never accomplished. You've succeeded where Hayden Christensen, Daniel Radcliffe (thus far), Mark Hamill, and Ralph Macchio never could. You became a sensation, an icon, the face of a franchise, and you still managed to land an acting role where you escape the role. Not just any role mind you, you're working with David Motherf****** Cronenberg!
The Fly, A History of Violence, and Naked Lunch. Impressive, to say the least, that he found you worthy of a role in one of his films. Not to mention you look like a total boss in that short clip. It's too soon to tell but I dare say you will become one of the greats in this industry. I have faith in it. Although I still dislike you...kind of.
May you always sparkle in the sunlight,
Robot Reagan
Email Me: MickJoest@Geektyrant.com Twitter: @MickJoest