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Rob Cohen To Direct Action Movie about Sir Isaac Newton

by Ben Pearson

This story is so outlandish, I feel as if I have to start with a disclaimer that this is not a joke. If you have even the most basic education, you're probably familiar with the three laws of Sir Isaac Newton. If you don't have a basic education, I'd imagine you're probably familiar with Three Films of Rob Cohen: xXx, The Fast and The Furious, and The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. (I'm just kidding about that 'lack of education part.' I liked the first Fast and the Furious movie.)

Now the two are gloriously coming together, as THR reports Cohen has signed on to co-write and direct an action movie (again - not a joke) about Sir Isaac Newton and the time he spent as chief detective and head of the British Mint. But a movie apparently isn't enough to hold this story; they're working on a graphic novel to go along with the script.

I...don't even know what to say about this. Recently, a production company announced work on a parkour-inspired take on Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist, and while this isn't quite as ridiculous as that project, it's pretty damn close. The thing is, Newton's life was actually fairly interesting, but I just don't see the director of xXx bringing us something that captures it in a satisfying and entertaining way.

If I had to guess, I'd say this will probably turn out closer to something like James McTeigue's dreadful The Raven, which reimagined the last days of Edgar Allan Poe with a Saw-esque style. I'm just happy that this story gave me the opportunity to write a zinger of a tagline: "This Summer...For Every Ass Kicked...There's An Equal But Opposite Ass Kicked."

Write your own ridiculous Newton-themed tagline in the comments!

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