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Galactic Empire Responds to White House Denial for Death Star

Movie Death Star by Joey Paur

When a petition gets 25,000 signatures or more and is filled out on WhiteHouse.gov, a response is required from the White House. A petition from the Galactic Empire of Star Wars was recently submitted for a Death Star to be built for the planet Earth. It ended up getting 30,000 signatures and the White House responded unsurprisingly denying the request. Why? Because it would cost $850,000,000,000,000,000, and America just doesn't have that kind of money, and the current administration doesn't really support blowing up other planets, "Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?"

Well, the Galactic Empire has responded to the White House's denial, which you can read below...

IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire,“ said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. “Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. “The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production,” added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.

Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. “Any attacks made upon such a station – should one ever be built – would be a useless gesture,” added Motti.

This is both kind of cool, but incredibly silly at the same time. 

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