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5 Terribly Hilarious Foes We Hope Never Appear on ARROW

Arrow is a fantastic show and is currently my favorite superhero series of all time. I recently looked into the roots of Green Arrow to try and predict villains who could appear in Season 3 of the show. What I found instead were an insane list of idiotic foes that rival even some of the worst Batman and Superman villains. I guess that's what happens when you spend so long as a second tier hero. I hope these characters never appear in any episode of Arrow, but if they did, I envisioned how it would go down.

Titus Flagsmith AKA "The Flag"

Background: It would seem that you just weren't a superhero in the late 40's unless you battled a pirate at one point.. Aquaman battled Black Jack, and Batman managed to find Black Beard and Psycho Pirate living in Gotham, so it likely came as no surprise to Oliver when an urban swashbuckler found his way to Starling City. In fact, Oliver would go on to face 4 other pirates throughout his career, but this one was unlike the rest. He had a sword, a bandana, and a devilishly dapper mustache. Unfortunately, his name wasn't the Crimson Captain or Davy Jones. His name? The Flag. He was The Flag who did flag based crimes. 

Now I'm not one to dictate whom a hero pursues and doesn't pursue, but with all the s*** going down in the city how is a guy stealing flags even a blip on the radar? His name is the worst on this list especially considering his first name is Titus. How can you have such a badass first name and decide to go with the last name that you were unmercifully teased with through grade school?

How He Would Appear on Arrow: Titus F. Smith would be a visiting diplomat from Somalia who wishes to do business with Queen Consolidated. At a fancy dinner party to celebrate this event just after Oliver confronts his mother Moira about some lie, the door is kicked open and everyone turns. It's Laurel. She's relapsed and is drunkenly stumbling around and angrily screaming "I WAS A LAWYER!" She then trips and knocks Titus F. Smith to the ground and simultaneously tears the Somalian flag in half trying to keep her balance. Smith plays it cool, but then has Laurel kidnapped and whisked away to a ship on international waters. Ollie must race against time to save her.  

Auntie Gravity

Background: Auntie Gravity was, as her name would imply, not a mother. This woman somehow developed anti-gravity ("GET IT?!" said some 1980s comic writer) powers and went on a crime spree with her nephews. Oliver needed the help of Black Canary to take her down. Look at the above picture. I'd put this woman in her late 50s at best, and one of her nephews looks like Ringo Starr. How do you defeat an evil old woman with anti-gravity powers? I would suggest stealth and a quick arrow to the back of the head. Oliver took the high road and it took him two issues to do it.

How She Would Appear on ArrowThea would run into an old school mate, Gravella, and they would reminisce about their time spent at the "Longfellow Academy For Rich Girls With Weird Names." Gravella comes by the bar at Thea's suggestion and parties way too hard. Some guy gets rough with her and triggers something from her past and she brings down one of those gaudy looking decorative cogs on a bunch of dancers. Roy is in the crowd and catches it and hoists it to the side. Thea sees what happened but remains oblivious to Roy's power. Oliver appears and has a romantic encounter with Gravella.

Onomatopoeia

Background: This is one that will likely get some flak, as Onomatopoeia is actually well written for how dreadfully awful his character is. He's an oddly specific serial killer who targets vigilante heroes without powers. True to his name he repeats the sound of most everything. Out of all the villains in this list, he is by far among the most successful, having almost killed the second Green Arrow (Connor Hawke), and murdering Silver St. Cloud in the Batman comics. His level of cheese as a villain is so bad, if he were to be put on television it would have to be exactly the way he is in the comics to make any sense.

How He Would Appear on ArrowHe likely will, and despite what some fans may think, it won't be well received. As Kevin Smith put it...

It only kind of works – I think – on a comic book page because if you have a gun going off, they usually write BLAM! and then you can have, you know, the character saying "BLAM!" in a word balloon, but like if you tried to do that cinematically you can’t really rock it. A gun in a film sounds completely different. It doesn’t read as BLAM! and so to have a dude say BLAM! after a true gunshot, all these people would be like "he’s just retarded." I think it works great in print and on a comic book page. I don’t think that character would translate very well outside of that.

The Roper

 Easy Roy...this isn't his first ro...OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Easy Roy...this isn't his first ro...OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Master or ropes, or perhaps farts if you only knew him from the above panel. Roper, as you probably guessed, uses ropes to incapacitate Ollie and Roy when they first meet. Roy is flabbergasted, but Oliver appears sympathetic to the villain's plights and encourages him to take one of his rope arrows. A couple more encounters happen with each one resulting in The Roper grabbing more and more rope arrows. Eventually Green Arrow and Speedy are captured by "glow in the dark" rope that blinds them.  Right when it seems like their darkest hour, Oliver tells Roper there is one final rope arrow in his quiver. Roper grabs it and is entangled in ropes. THE MASTER OF ROPES FAILS TO ESCAPE and is arrested.  This story gets much weirder than this so head on over to SlayMonstroBot to get the director's cut.

 

How He Would Appear on ArrowA string of hanging suicides across the bottoms of Starling City has Oliver looking for answers. Diggle reveals a guy from his past who was dishonorably discharged for aggression and torture tactics in Afghanistan. Felicity feels ignored and confronts Oliver mid episode.

Professor Merlin

7-terribly-hilarious-foes-we-hope-never-appear-on-arrowmerline.png

Not to be confused with Malcolm Merlyn, Professor Merlin is a teacher...OF CRIME! Merlin uses his educating skills to train wannabe offenders in "crime college." From racketeering to car jacking, Professor Merlin is eventually thwarted by Oliver. That shouldn't happen, and I refuse to believe it did. This guy has a PHD in crime, and managed to get caught? Unbelievable, or perhaps that was all part of it. Maybe Professor Merlin's plan all along was to be caught. Stay with me here for a second. Dozens of criminals seek his help in getting better at committing crimes, and he obliges all at the cost of a tuition! Merlin gets arrested, but no one says a word. What can they say? They want to report they were attending a college to commit crimes and want their money back??? It's genius really. 

How He Would Appear on ArrowAfter a tremendous ratings slide in its 5th season, Greg Berlanti starts going for indie cred and literally puts every character in the GA universe into an episode. The Tomorrow People beats out Arrow in ratings that week.


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