If STAR WARS Planets Were American States
So, we all know that the Star Wars Universe doesn't exist... anymore. That's because it happened so long ago, in a galaxy far, far away. Well, have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, Star Wars does exist in our very own backyard? What if America is the just our own universe's version of Star Wars? In honor of that concept, I've put together a list of 5 States that are basically terrain forms of planets in the Star Wars Universe.
Tatooine = New Mexico
Hot? Check. Deserty? Check. Now, this could just be an obvious choice, and I really could have picked any part of the west to be Tatooine, but something about New Mexico screams Tatooine. There's nothing to do there. It's not really known for anything particularly special. Even stormtroopers were like, "Ugh! Tatooine, not this friggin' place..." And New Mexico is the same way. It's just a desert wasteland with a high crime rate that people want to leave. Tell me you can't imagine a Star Wars version of Breaking Bad happening where Gasgano is making Space Meth out of PodRacer fuel. Jabba slithering out of a room adjusting his tie as his face is melted off. Just accept that if you're in New Mexico, you live in Tatooine.
Forest Moon of Endor = Oregon
Besides being a heavily wooded area, Oregon has a lot in common with Endor. Well, rather, the moon of Endor. For the sake of the article, we're just gonna call it Endor, because unless you're a huge Star Wars nerd, you're not gonna know the difference. Besides Oregon's geographical similarity to Endor, it also has a cultural similarity. Specifically Portland's culture. Its inhabitants are furry little people completely out of touch with the rest of the galaxy. Sound familiar? Ewoks are just hipsters. Bearded people who want to get in tune with retro styles and the old ways. They believe in natural remedies, grow organic plants, and irritate the hell out of a lot of people. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I went to Portland and a group of hipsters tied me up and planned to sacrifice me to some girl they worship as a goddess. Friggin Ewoks, man. Love 'em to death, but if I had to sit through The Ewok Adventure again, I think I'd kill myself.
Death Star = Washington, D.C.
Hahahah! I see what you did there! The Death Star is evil, and the government is evil. Hahaha! Yes, it's true, both are central hubs for our respective empires, but it goes deeper than that, starting with the fact that technically the Death Star isn't really a planet, or even a moon for that matter. It's a Space Station. Just as D.C. isn't technically a State. Sure, it houses plenty of important political figures, but it doesn't have the same rights as a State. Look it up. Washington, D.C. can't even technically vote. Well, it can. But it's like telling a toddler his vote counts when you choose where you are eating. You're not going to McDonalds. You already made up your mind. The people of the Death Star have no rights either. They are just all employees of a bigger system that controls the rest of the Galaxy... or country... depending on which analogy you were going for.
Naboo = Mississippi
There were a lot of states that could have been chosen here. I was mostly going for the feel of the south, and Mississippi fit best. There are two dominant races on Naboo — Gungans and Humans. They don't get along too well. Religion plays a huge role in Naboo as it does in Mississippi. Put that on top of the fact that the land is marshy and swampy, but not too swampy. Humans on Naboo are cartoonishly racist versions of southern whites while Gungans are just racist cartoons. I’m still not sure what George Lucas was thinking here, but the characterization of the Gungans was hugely criticized when The Phantom Menace came out, and rightly so.
Dagobah = Florida
It's a swampy wasteland filled with old people. Well, one has old people, one just has one old hermit. Sure, they're cute and funny at first, but eventually they're asking you to move heaven and earth to get stuff done. Plus you have that one relative who's always telling you to go visit. You could learn a lot from the people there. But let's face it... Dagobah and Florida are places where people go to die. Plus, you have that nightmarish forest where you face your deepest fears, a.k.a. Disney World.
Bonus:
Hoth = Alaska
No explanation necessary.