If Hollywood Doesn’t Stop, Cereal Mascots Will Be The Next Cinematic Universe We See
Art by Brian Stuckey
Update: It's been pointed out that an idea similar to this was featured on the Showtime series Ray Donovan, but I've never seen a single episode of that show. Everything in this piece is completely coincidental. Original article follows.
As you know, Hollywood as been on a roll with adapting stupid things into movies. A few of the most recent announcements included a film based on Emoji and movies based on the candies Pez and Peeps. This is not only a sign that Hollywood has officially run out of ideas, but they are also running out of board games and toys to adapt into films. They are really reaching at the bottom of the barrel with Emoji and candy.
What happens after they've run out of candy to adapt into movies!? The next logical step would be to start targeting classic cereal mascots! I’m throwing this out now so I can sue later when some big studio actually starts doing it!
This is a pitch that will happen one day by someone who thinks they've come up with a brilliant idea. Hell, maybe this film pitch has actually already happened!
So here's the idea! Let's take Kellogg's brand cereal who has Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, the Sun from Raisin Bran, Snap, Krackle, Pop, Cornelius the Rooster, and Dig'em Frog. They could form a cinematic universe just like Marvel did. Each one can get their own solo film, which would lead to them teaming up for one big crazy adventure.
Then there could be the cereal rival cinematic universe featuring the mascots of General Mills, which consists of Sonny the Cuckoo Bird, the Trix rabbit, Lucky the Leprechaun, Jarvis the Wizard, Cookie Crook, the Cheerios Honey Bee, Chip the Wolf, Chef Wendell, Franken Berry, Count Chocula, and Boo Berry. They could be like the DC of cereal cinematic universes.
You could then bring these rival cereal characters together in a film and battle each other. This is something that Marvel and DC would never do. It could be huge! Think about it: after the universes are set up, we could have Toucan Sam fight Sonny the Cookoo Bird, and it would be the fight of the century! Other fights could include Snap, Krackle, Pop vs. Lucky the Leprechaun, Dig’em Frog vs. the Trix rabbit, and more! The sky's the limit!
To make things even more interesting, let's start throwing in mascots from Quaker Oats like Cap n’ Crunch, and even Mr. T could make a cameo appearance! The whole thing could be like The LEGO Movie, but with cereal characters! It’s brilliant! The cereals all get a big marketing push with every film we make, everyone involved makes a ton of money, and everyone wins!
Except for the audience, who is going to continue to fork out money for these ridiculous movies, and then complain about how stupid it was.
If there are any studio executives reading this, if someone actually tries to pitch this to you, please say no! This is just a joke, and the ridiculous escalation of absurdity was on purpose. I did it to cover all my bases. These ideas are not meant for any studio to actually turn into movies. Who knows, maybe some of you will even like the idea of seeing this happen!
If you want to add to the madness by including some plot lines of your own, do so in the comment section below.